One of the greatest gifts of this is election has been watching men trying to write about sex stuff and woman stuff. I present:
Nick Kristof: "Imagine if in a primary election debate Clinton had boasted that there’s 'no problem' with the size of her vagina."
No... That's not even how it works...
Jeet Heer: "It's not an accident that as America is about to elect a female president a pure example of toxic masculinity takes center stage."
Dude, were you not paying attention during the last 57 presidential elections?
Jonathan Chait: "The 'locker room' line has made me feel personal discomfort. Feeling like women look at me and assume I’ve been part of the convo."
No one is looking at you, Jonathan Chait.
It’s kind of crazy and also cool and also crazysexycool that sex is determining this election, and not entitlement reform, which I originally assumed would. As a result we all have to think about boning all the time, which literally no one was thinking about when John Kerry ran for president.
America is a horny nation fundamentally at odds with its horniness, and this creates many political complications. For one, women are regarded by the government as persons who do not have needs or opinions except when it comes to babies or makeup (which is FINE it is your CHOICE to care about those things!!!). For two, men haven’t seemed to evolve at all in the past 900 years, they are still the misogynistic brutes who colonized the planet, even the ones who wake up in the morning, plop some organic pomade in their hair, gaze at their reflection and ask “mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the wokest man of all?” (This is a trick question. Men cannot be woke by virtue of being men.)
America is a horny nation fundamentally at odds with its horniness, and this creates many political complications.
Beyond the intricacies of sex, the male pundit class remains utterly bewildered by Hillary. They write about her as if she is an electric toothbrush. She is an object on which to be projected, not a human woman with thoughts and feelings. To them, she's not a valid subject, not a worthy presidential candidate. Headlines about Hillary might as well read "Electric Toothbrush Used Private Email Server." "Electric Toothbrush Gave Speech to Goldman Sachs." "Electric Toothbrush Benghazi."
It is telling that perhaps the most moving interview with Hillary during this election was conducted by the otherwise godawful Humans of New York guy. Journalists either treat Hillary as if she is a sad woman (probs because she hasn’t boasted of her sexual conquests ever, and also women over 60 are gross), the dirtiest, most warmongering politician who ever lived, or someone who, despite 40 years of political experience at the top of her game, is not qualified to be president. We can recall Ezra Klein’s moment of personal enlightenment from June, when he wrote that “it was time to admit Hillary Clinton is an extraordinarily talented politician.” Kudos to Ezra, who is somehow a successful establishment journalist with a huge audience.
There was a similar vein of omniscient narcissism in the male reactions to Trump’s pussy-grabbing remarks. Men have the tendency to make women's suffering about them; this is nothing new. There were countless comments – like Chait’s tweet above – that were not only defensive, as if the men commenting had also been accused of sexual misconduct, but also deflecting from the subject at hand and making Trump’s crisis into their own personal Teapot Dome. As soon as Jonathan Chait’s feelings enter the debate about toxic masculinity and privilege, the discussion veers from its beating heart – how women were routinely and disgustingly assaulted by a presidential candidate (allegedly lol) – and becomes about men again. On how many social platforms can we tell these poor souls that it’s simply not about them?
We really need to work on the way men talk about women before Hillary becomes our divine leader. I have two ideas. My first is to make it illegal for men to talk to, look at, or think about women, but that’s fascist, so gonna table it (for now). My other idea is for men to just let it all out. Let it out! If you think a woman is a bitch or has a nice ass, tweet it! Publish your thoughts on Medium. If you don't have computer access, yell your opinions through a bullhorn. If you don't have a bullhorn, yell them through a rolled-up piece of paper. Then the woman-state can choose whether you’re worth educating or ostracizing. No one is safe.
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