Ask A Fuck-Up

AAFU: I can’t tell if my wife is depressed or just lazy

She insists everything is fine but I’m not so sure.
Ask A Fuck-Up

AAFU: I can’t tell if my wife is depressed or just lazy

She insists everything is fine but I’m not so sure.

Brandy Jensen, The Outline’s Power editor, has made a lot of mistakes in her life. Has she learned from them and become a wiser person as a result? Hahaha oh gosh no. But it does leave her uniquely qualified to tell you what not to do — because she’s probably done it.

Dear Fuck-Up,

I’ve been with my wife for five years. Since I was about 20, I’ve struggled with weight issues and depression. She’s always been pretty supportive of me, though she’s also quite stubborn, so there are times when she can use my issues in a fight.

I’m 34 now. I’m doing well, exercising six days a week, and generally trying to make myself a better person. I want to improve myself and I want us to collectively have a better and also a more active life. My wife has exercised irregularly, but in recent months, she’s given it up entirely. She’s always slept a lot but now she’s sleeping about 12 hours a night. I worry this is depression, but when I ask her about it, she gets mad at me and shuts down. She’s insistent that nothing is wrong with her.

My biggest fear is that there is, in fact, nothing wrong with her, and she’s just becoming less active, and perhaps lazy. We’re at odds over this because we seem to have different visions of what our lives should be in the future. She seems happy, but I worry she’s depressed. How can I possibly ask her about this and have her take it seriously and not get mad at me? I just want what’s best for her.


Concerned Husband

Dear Concerned,

Your biggest fear — your biggest one — is that your wife is not in fact suffering from a mental health condition and is completely healthy. Sir, you most assuredly do not want what’s best for her. You say you don’t believe her when she tells you she is happy and, frankly, I don’t either, considering she’s married to a giant asshole. In her position, I would sleep as much as possible too. Ponder that next time you’re at the gym.

A Fuck-Up

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