Trade layers of lies for layers of pumpkin cheesecake

The government cannot spy on you through this dessert... yet.

Trade layers of lies for layers of pumpkin cheesecake

The government cannot spy on you through this dessert... yet.

It is difficult to imagine the United States as the envy of the world, given our current predicament. A cadre of ghouls usurped power by appealing to the latent evil lurking in some corners of white America. Tourists from around the world are avoiding trips here because the country has lost much of its appeal. Voters in the Netherlands, who defeated their own version of Trump in recent elections, are elated to not have suffered the same fate as the U.S. A Nazi works in the White House. Things are very bad, and they will likely get worse. Republicans unveiled a health care plan that, by the president’s own admission, will most harm the people who voted for him. The White House’s budget is equally horrifying, eliminating just about everything the government does, in order to bolster the military, which already has more money than it knows what to do with.

I keep asking myself: Why is this happening? Republicans may be shooting themselves in the foot by directly harming so much of their base, but I can’t help but worry about the extent of damage they can do in the time they do have in office — not to mention the type of voter suppression efforts that can ensure they retain power forever. Also, where the fuck is the Democratic Party? Bernie Sanders, who is treated like the devil incarnate by mainstream Democrats getting “nevertheless, she persisted” tattooed on their eyelids, seems like the only one working to reach out to Middle America. At a town hall this week, a coal miner from West Virginia pleaded for universal health care, an issue many Democrats won’t touch as they hope to appeal more effectively to Trump’s base... many of whom would love universal health care themselves. The only thing more frustrating than watching the Republicans turn this country into the dystopian London of V for Vendetta is watching Democrats who behave like they haven’t encountered a person of color — or a person under 25 — in years cry about “Left Twitter,” instead of doing literally anything.

Ugh. Anyway, this week’s recipe is rather simple: It’s this double-layer pumpkin cheesecake that tastes delicious and will load you with enough calories to take at least a few seconds off of this dreadful life.

Pumpkin Cheesecake


  • Two 8-ounce packages cream cheese, softened
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 eggs
  • One 9-inch prepared graham cracker crust
  • 1/2 cup pumpkin puree
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1 pinch ground cloves
  • 1 pinch ground nutmeg
  • 1/2 cup frozen whipped topping, thawed


  • Preheat oven to 325°F.
  • In a large bowl, combine cream cheese, sugar, and vanilla. Beat until smooth. Blend in eggs one at a time.
  • Remove 1 cup of batter, and spread into bottom of crust; set aside.
  • Add pumpkin, cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg to the remaining batter and stir gently until well blended.
  • Carefully spread over the batter in the crust.
  • Bake in preheated oven for 35 to 40 minutes, or until center is almost set.
  • Allow to cool, then refrigerate for 3 hours or overnight.
  • Cover with whipped topping before serving.

Bake it out

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