The decline of Chipotle never seemed plausible until a few years ago. But burritos, bowls, and rarely ordered tacos can only go so far, especially in the shadow of failures like (checks notes) an e. Coli outbreak. Chipotle tried to spice things up, to mixed success: an attempt at queso was described as the flavor of “crayons;” a chorizo option was introduced, and soon pulled. Now, in an attempt to jazz things up even more, Chipotle is testing five new options at its NYC test kitchen location, with the potential to expand nationwide.
Does it seem like the fast food chain is grasping for straws? Maybe. Will some of these items surely flop? Yes, obviously. We decided to rank the items by their likelihood of failing, and thus saving the ailing business.
5. Quesadilla
Quesadillas aren’t that divisive a food. They’re indestructibly edible, like a grilled cheese or pizza rolls; you really only can hate it if you hate its basic components. I’ve heard many people wish for this option before, and if a Chipotle worker will even attempt to fashion a makeshift one for you, assuming you're comfortable holding up the line. It seems reasonable that the company would add this, instead of leaving it a menu hack that surely annoys its employees.
4. Nachos
Chipotle has never been a spot for drunken eating, since most of their locations close around 10 or 11 at night. In my experience, nachos satisfy this specific craving; I wouldn’t trust someone who said it was their go-to fast-casual Mexican dish. But hey, maybe you can sneak in before the door locks, and do your business. It’s just all the usual ingredients slapped on some chips. It’s pretty hard to mess up.
3. Green salad
If you come to Chipotle to get a salad, you should learn to love yourself.
2. Chocolate milkshake
It’s difficult to imagine people actively ordering this alongside their burrito bowl, when Chipotle’s whole gimmick is projecting the illusion of health. I’m not sure how this fits into that mission. This one seems like it's meant for parents trying to calm a screaming child.
1. Avocado tostada
I’m sorry, but I snorted when I saw the photo of this thing in Eater. It looks worse than dining hall food. It looks like it’s a meal that underestimates your intelligence as a consumer. Something about this resembles a depression meal, crafted in your own kitchen on a Saturday afternoon, when you are lonely and particularly broke. I can’t imagine how much they want to charge for this, but whatever the cost, it’s too high.
