Culture

Abolish prisons except for the actress who bit Beyoncé

A goofy thing to happen at a party, and also a very real crime.

Culture

Culture

Abolish prisons except for the actress who bit Beyoncé

A goofy thing to happen at a party, and also a very real crime.

Apparently, no matter how wealthy, beautiful, successful, and talented you are, you can never escape fools that want to get up in your face — and then bite it. In a new GQ profile, Tiffany Haddish reveals that on the night of her infamous selfie with Beyoncé (which took place at Jay-Z’s 4:44 tour wrap party in Los Angeles), an actress high on drugs BIT BEYONCÉ ON HER BEAUTIFUL PERFECT FACE, and then escaped Haddish’s wrath because of the singer’s infinite mercy.

The questions on everyone’s mind today: WHO is the offending actress and WHAT was she smoking to think that she could bite one of the world’s most beloved figures on the face? Beyoncé’s legion of loyal fans is undoubtedly solving that mystery at this very moment. And should the Beyhive reveal the chomper’s identity, she could have to face the reality that what she committed is a bizarre but very real crime. “[It’s] assault or mayhem,” said criminal defense attorney and former California Deputy District Attorney Michael Kraut of Kraut Law Group, who added that the assailant would face up to eight years in prison if found guilty.

Considering how low-key Beyoncé has been about the whole incident, it’s unlikely she would ever press charges against whoever this entirely wild person is. But even if the mystery actress is revealed and never gets charged, she would still earn the arguably worse life sentence of being known as the person who bit Beyoncé in the face while going too hard at a fancy party. The American legal system rarely lets people off the hook, but the Beyhive may be even more merciless.