Side Note

We would rather die than 3D-scan our bodies

Please enjoy this overly dramatic advertisement for a $1,400 body scanning mirror for “health-conscious” rich people:

Save producing a 3D image of your body that looks like it’s made of lead, it’s hard to say exactly what the purpose of Naked Labs' 3D Body Scanner is. It’s marketed as strictly consumer product, so there have been no claims of scientifically proven health benefits or particular uses beyond your usual Silicon Valley vagaries: “Once you create a platform for body models, the number of valuable services for the end user is infinite,” said Founders Fund partner Cyan Banister, who invested in the product, in a press statement. What those “valuable services” are, he failed to specify. “We truly believe this will change how people interface with the internet – and their bodies.”

In an interview with Wired, Naked Labs CEO Farhad Farahbakhshian described the product’s target audience has evolved over time, from “people with a six-pack who want to get an eight-pack to people in the earlier stages of their fitness journey …,” said Farahbakhshian. “Sure, there are power athletes who want to get that extra 1 percent, but we also see people who have felt powerless about their bodies for most of their lives.” How having a 3D rendering of the same body you can see with your two eyes in any ole’ dumb mirror will change this, Farahbakhshian didn’t say.

The mirror is both Bluetooth- and WiFi-enabled and can only be used in conjunction with a smartphone. The whole contraption relies upon three built-in Intel RealSense cameras to create a 3D model of your bod — but the physical standing mirror is only half of the equation. In order to properly use the Naked Labs 3D Body Scanner, you must first step on shiny white disk called “the turntable,” which measures your weight while slowly spinning you around like the world’s most body-conscious microwave plate. This is ostensibly so that the mirror can capture every inch of our imperfect flesh in a systematic manner, but it also serves to make the user look absolutely ridiculous, which is a plus.

Naked Labs' 3D Body Scanner is like Juicero but for your eyes.