Apocalypse NOW

The asteroid is always coming

But it never arrives...
Apocalypse NOW

The asteroid is always coming

But it never arrives...

On Monday, Joseph Nuth, a researcher at NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center, warned attendees of the annual meeting of the American Geophysical Union that we Earthlings are unprepared for the surprise impact of an asteroid or comet. “There’s not a hell of a lot we can do about it at the moment,” he said. Nuth went on to note that the chances of impact from a large or dangerous space projectile such as an asteroid or a comet are “extremely rare.” He added: “On the other hand, [asteroids] are the extinction-level events, things like dinosaur killers, they’re 50 to 60 million years apart, essentially. You could say, of course, we’re due, but it’s a random course at that point.” Thank you, Dr. Nuth.

Here’s what I know. I know what killed the dinosaurs. It was definitely an asteroid. We know how it happened. The asteroid “turned the planet inside out.” It “blew a hole into the Earth’s crust.” The asteroid created an “instant Mount Everest.” It made the Earth’s surface “act like liquid.” The surface of the planet was “vaporized.” It was an asteroid *and a volcano*?! It was not the asteroid, it was the soot from the asteroid, actually. It was bad timing. The dinosaurs *could* have survived the asteroid. They didn’t. But life came back.

And yet, here we are. We are still petrified the cosmic shitstorm that wiped the mighty ’saurs off the planet and shot them straight into our natural history museums is coming back for us. And it’s not just random fear. NASA isn’t helping. Scientists, on a regular basis, are reminding us of the remote yet catastrophic possibilities, and the media is right there beside them, holding the megaphone. And they’re not exactly restrained in their rhetoric. Scientists are “pondering” the threats to Earth. They’re “grasping” for how to deal with the threat of asteroids. Asteroids could threaten Earth, scientists say. We are in “danger” from “rogue 60-mile-wide comets that have the capability to wipe all life on Earth instantly.” There���s a massive killer asteroid that experts are warning about headed straight for us. It’s not a matter of “if, but when,” says our National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Maybe we need an interceptor rocket. Or asteroid busters. Eh… it’s okay. This asteroid, it actually has a pretty “slim chance” of hitting Earth after all. Turns out it’s “not on course” to hit Earth. Phew. We’re safe this time as another asteroid “whizzes by.” This one? It’s no threat.

But we should prepare, of course, for the unexpected. We never know when that horrific, life-ending, crippling asteroid will shoot down and make liquid of us all. At the very least, we should be alarmed. And we are.

This is what it might look like.

Update: The moon is also our enemy.